Through the eyes of a child

There are many lessons we can learn if we watch how children interact with the world around them.

There is a family in town that I love dearly. I enjoy my time with them, always. I don’t really know how to express how much I love them all, they truly are like family to me.

They have four little children, all unique in their own respects. I tell them I love them first thing when I open the door and the very last thing before I leave. There is this joy that spills out when I am with them and I want them to know that they are each deeply loved.

Now when I walk in the door they run to me, grab onto my legs and arms and tell me “I love you sooo much!” When I am about to leave they fight for hugs and tell me they love me too.

I was just struck with a thought. They only know what to say to me because I first told them. They repeat almost verbatim what I have told them, they are just saying it right back to me.

I then got this image of God looking down at me telling me, “I love you! I love you! I love you sooo much!!” and then me looking back up at Him and wanting to say exactly what He said and so I say, “I love You! I love You! I love You sooo much!”

This makes me remember what Jesus did. He only did what He saw His Father in heaven do and only said what He heard His Father say.

Constant connection with God.

This is how we should pray. This is prayer. Communication with God.

This is the really neat thing: God tells us to ask Him what His will is. We ask Him what His will is. He tells us what His will is. We ask Him for His will to be done. His will is done.

How amazing is God!How great to have this relationship with Him where we can come approach His throne with confidence.

Jehovah Jirah

God provides. Always. He has never let me down. He has never let me go hungry, I have never had to walk on the streets naked, I have never had to beg, I have always had everything I needed. I am very blessed.

As I look around, there are so many things to be thankful for so I would like to share some of those things.

All that I have ever needed, He has provided

Just in this past week these are things that I have needed (and some things I just wanted) that God has provided for me:

I needed a hat for work (I sleep in tents in the wilderness) so I needed one that covered my ears and is very warm. My neighbor came to me today and asked if I needed a hat because she made one that was too big for her sister. It is one that is very thick and has ear warmers.

Warm hat for work, check off the list.

I also needed two hand held radios for work. The other day someone asked me if I needed hand held radios because he didn’t need his anymore and so he gave me his.

Hand held radios for work, check.

This week I am not working one of my jobs where I usually get fed so I needed food. I did not have any money for food and I wasn’t really sure what I was going to do about food. I figured I had enough money to buy some beans to eat with the rest of my rice. I was ok with that. (beans and rice…yum!) I was on my way back from my parents house after Christmas and when I got to my house I opened my trunk and I saw that my family had stocked my whole trunk with food. I even now have ground beef which I never buy because it’s too expensive!!!

Food for the next few weeks, check.

My car that takes me to all three jobs needs new tires! They are seriously balding faster than an old man. Well my sister decided that four new tires sounded like a great Christmas gift to give to me.

New tires for my car, check.

Did I mention I have three jobs to help pay off student loans?

Student loans getting paid off (slowly but surely), check

My phone was dying and kept freezing on me and not wanting to work. My two year agreement just ended and I was able to get a better phone that works much better for my Christmas gift. (I was expecting to pay for this on my own)

Upgrade on a phone, check.

Today I was able to have coffee with an old friend and have good conversations. She paid for my coffee and she gave me a new book about something I have wanted to know more about. She also gave me a new worship cd that has really blessed me.

Good talks with an old friend, check

Free coffee, check

New book, check

New cd, check

Like I said, some of these things I did not have to have and I know that but I am very thankful for them! The Lord really does provide for everything we need and even more then we could ever ask or imagine!

He is a good Father who ALWAYS provides! This is just in the past few days that these things were provided for, and I know that I could have this big of a list or even greater every week. He is always taking care of His children.

Love

One mention of this word and many things may have popped into your head: pictures, names, examples, good and bad probably came up in an instant. Through all my travels I have realized that this one word seems to be always talked about.

I would get in a taxi or walk around in the open market and almost every song I heard had to do with this one word “love”. Turn on the radio and what is every one singing about? What is almost every movie about? What does everyone have in common around the world? They want to love and be loved.

I feel this is a deep longing, one that has been placed inside each and every one of us no matter what part of the world you are from. We long to be loved and to love another person. I can look at my own life and read old journals and see that this longing for love is a constant theme. When I was teaching I would talk to students all the time about love.

There is always a desire to love. There is always a desire to be loved in return.

But what do you mean when you say love? As a communication major I learned that language is arbitrary and therefore I want to be clear about what I think the word love means.

Do I believe love is a warm fuzzy feeling? Yes and no. I believe that when you are in love with someone those feelings are warm and fuzzy and you would do anything for that person. Nothing else in the world matters, not even the essentials like eating and drinking are a real necessity because you are in love and you forget about those things. But is that really all that love is? Oh thank goodness no!

I like to watch and talk to old people. They are very wise. They have gone through a heck of a lot more life then I have and so common sense tells me to listen to them. Every single one of them has told me time and time again that love is not just a feeling. When you are married you have to make the conscience effort to choose to love every day. Love is a choice. You are not always going to like the person you married. They will get on your nerves and things may upset you about them and those quirks you thought were cute when you were dating will become annoying when you get married. BUT you choose to love that person always, no matter what.

This is what makes me sad in the world today, when I see people choosing NOT to love and to just give up and leave. It’s also sad to see how movies and music have really corrupted and disfigured this beautiful thing called love. Hollywood has it all wrong.

The wise old people tell me it’s a choice. It’s laying down yourself and your rights for the other person. Love is about serving the other person. It’s not what you can get out of the relationship but what can you give? There is no room for selfishness in love.

Scripture is clear about this in the famous “love chapter” (1 Corinthians 13) I think this is one of the most beautiful descriptions of love. It says, “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…” then it ends the chapter by saying, “And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

These are things that do not come naturally to us. We have to work towards this goal in our marriages, in our friendships, in our families and even with strangers. For our whole lives we have to work at this and it’s not going to be easy. But I believe it is worth it.

God is love. Oh how beautiful He is. He is the great example that we should look to in order to see what real love looks like. What did He do? How did He love?

It is only with His help that we can truly love one another. It is only He who can teach us how to love in our relationships.

obedience

There is a song my mom would always sing to me when I was younger. Any time I was about to make a wrong choice or do something I wasn’t suppose to my mother would smile and break out in song. This would annoy me greatly but today these words still echo in my ear reminding me of obedience.

O-B-E-D-I-E-N-C-E obedience is the very best way to show that you believe. Action is the key to immediately joy you will receive. Doing exactly as the Lord commands, doing it happily.

In the book of first Peter in the first chapter we read: “Therefore, gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy.” And if you call on the Father, who without partiality judges according to each one’s work, conduct yourselves throughout the time of your stay here in fear; knowing that you were not redeemed with corruptible things, like silver or gold, from your aimless conduct received by tradition from your fathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot.”

I love especially that last part. Peter wants us to realize that we have been bought with the precious blood of Christ. It is a big deal when we are disobedient. We are children of God and therefore in a new family. We have been bought with the precious blood of Christ. Precious. His blood is precious. We have been purchased with this precious blood.

This is why He had to come to the earth. There was no other way. There is no other way. We were born separated from God. We are human and therefore imperfect. If you don’t believe me pay closer attention the next time you are on the high way during rush hour or the next time you watch the evening news or better yet, pay closer attention the next time you look into the mirror. Stare long enough (or not even that long) and you realize that you are far from perfection.

There has only ever been One who is perfect and that is God Himself. He is the One who had to come here to earth Himself in human form. God, the Creator of the universe, the One who spoke everything into existence humbled Himself and came in the form of a baby. It was He who we sing about in the manger. It is He who the angels proclaimed to those shepherds and wise men. It was He who we celebrate this Christmas season.

He had to come. There was no other way. Perfect, precious blood flowed through His veins. 100% man and 100% God. He lived a perfect life and died a criminal’s death.

This babe who we sing about this time of year, the reason He came was to die. Beating in His little heart was the blood that would one day be used to purchase all the souls of men.

He didn’t come to just give us another “good” example; He came to be our Savior.

He is holy; set a part, there is no one like Him. He loves us and He wants us to be His, He wants us to be set apart for Him. He wants us to be obedient children; obedient children who understand that price that has been paid for us, a high price, and one that cost our Father His life.

Coffee Conversations

Today I had an intense conversation with a friend over coffee. We didn't mean to but it was necessary and beautiful.

She was very open and honest with me about her concerns for me, about me adjusting to this new life in America and other things.

I am so thankful for her friendship and her being honest with me. This is how I feel all friendships should be. Open and honest. Not being afraid but speaking in love. Building one another up and encouraging each other. It's hard and it's not pretty all the time, but I don't want it any other way. Give me one good friend who will be honest with me even though it may hurt and you can have your 400 shallow friends who want to talk only of the weather and newest movie and only tell you things that will tickle your ear.

It has been hard for me to adjust to life in America. Have you ever felt like you just don't fit in to a certain culture and people? This is how I feel. I feel like an awkward middle schooler as I do life here and even my view of friendship and life in general.

an 8 to 5 job is not my idea of a future. It never has been. To establish roots and stay in one place for the rest of my life, that has never been appealing.

Last night I was in Walmart with my friend and we were walking down the home decor isles. There is this tension with in me every time I go down those isles. On one end I would love nothing more then to have a home in America, make it beautiful and homey. Have an amazing kitchen with beautiful plates and cups and entertain many guests, a cozy living room filled with many pillows and comfy things. To have a back yard where my children can play and I can be apart of the PTA and bake cookies for my children's school functions. Living in a neighborhood with other children and families. Swimming in the summer at the neighborhood pool and having grandma and grandpa come over and watch the children catch lightning bugs.

Then on the other end I would love nothing more then to sell every thing. Give it all up and move to a part of the world that no foreigner has gone. Live in a mud hut, wear the native dress, immerse myself into the culture, learning the language and way of life. Sitting all day with the woman learning how to cook and kill a chicken while my children are running around with machetes and chasing monkeys up the tree. Their backyard is the village and we are all one community. At night we all come together around the fire, my husband with the other men, bringing the kill for the night to throw on the fire, as we eat we tell of stories of the past. After we would drink hot tea and look into the stars sitting in wonder and awe of an amazing God who created all of this. I would have no cell phone, no computer, no connection to the outside world, save a letter every month from back home.

it would be wonderful. this I would love. this is what I dream. Forget the comfy pillows, take me to a land not yet seen by American eyes!

Sacrifice

What are we willing to sacrifice for the One we love?

I read today about the man who started World Vision. He did a lot of great things for the world and his organization has fed and helped thousands of children and traveled all around. But to what cost for those who were closest to him? His relationship with his wife and children was horrible. He neglected them and during a final tour his daughter was crying out for help but he refused to come to her because of his commitment to speaking arrangements. His wife went home and found that their daughter had cut herself in attempts to kill herself and a couple of years later committed suicide.

I then read about Mother Teresa who worked in India a single woman. I’m not saying she didn’t ever make a mistake but she was able to fully devote her life to serve her Maker with a pure conscience. She did not have a husband and therefore was able to focus all her time and attention and affection on the work at hand.

So the question that arises in me is would it have been better for that one man to remain single his whole life? He would have then been able to do what he was doing and not have to worry about his wife and children. Then when he poured himself into his job he would have been able to do it fully without being guilty of leaving his responsibilities as a husband and father.

I have been thankful to see both sides by examples around me, the single side and marriage side, of living out your dream and especially in a different country and culture.

Both have pros and cons. Being single is hard overseas, I have experienced this first hand, no one to travel with and as a woman no one to be your protector. I had to attach myself to a family and become a part of their family unit. This was a blessing but also a challenge.

But so is marriage (so I have heard and seen). Marriage in itself is a challenge but then you take that into a different culture that both of you are not familiar with and try to work in this new environment. I have seen marriages thrive and struggle because of this. Then you add kids and that adds a whole new dimension.

But both being single and married can be a beautiful thing. There were many things that I could do among the people as a single woman that my married friends could not and vice versa. I was able to hang out with single woman and relate to them in ways that my married friends could not and I was able to stay out later and longer because I had no responsibilities to a husband or children. But my married friends were able to relate to the woman in a different way because of similar marriage issues and the understanding of raising children. However I was able to connect with my friends who were married, and ended up talking about marriage a lot even though I have not had that experience before. So either way, it does not matter if you are married or single to be able to relate to woman of other cultures. Women are women all over the world.

Whatever your marital status is, be obedient and love. Love whoever the Lord puts in your way.

If you are married, do not neglect your family for the sake of what you are doing. If you do, I would say it is better for you to be single. If you are single you can still be used, don’t let that be an excuse for disobedience.

Snow

As it snows outside I am having flash backs to this time last year when I was over seas and it snowed. What a beautiful day. The whole city covered in a blanket of snow.

It's so beautiful, so pure.

Today at church we had a longer time of worship through music, which I always enjoy. Then we had a surprise. One of the couples from our church renewed their wedding vows. He has been in the military away for a while and is now back in the states. I'm not sure of the whole story but they were never married in the church, and the wife had wished she did. So her husband surprised her today and they renewed their wedding vows in front of the whole church. There was even wedding cake after the service. It was wonderful.

This of course got me thinking of marriage. I am looking forward to one day being married if this is what the Lord wills. I'm excited to be a wife and to learn how to love my husband and serve him and support him. I'm excited that I get to be an example for the world to see about Jesus' love for His Bride, in that also recognizing I won't be a perfect example. But what about now? What can I learn from today as a single woman?

According to scripture, Jesus is my Bridegroom and I am apart of His Bride. He is coming back some day to get us. This excites me. He is a jealous Bridegroom. He wants all of me. He wants me to be a pure and spotless Bride. He wants me to be ready when He returns. What a beautiful picture.

I have heard of people say that when they are with the one they love it has spurred them on to be a better person. I understand what they mean when I look into His eyes, one glance in His eyes makes me want to be pure. When I read in scripture and search His Word and learn more about Him, the more I fall in love with Him. He is so good and so faithful. He is pure and majestic, holy and righteous, honest and just and merciful.

I want to be right where He is.

America...

Because I thought that this blog would be reserved just for my adventures and therefore it should only be written in while overseas I have ceased to write. I now find this thought faulty and am therefore beginning to write in it once again. I am in America for the time being and there are adventures to be had here…

When I think of myself in this moment of time this is the picture that I have in my head:

I am looking down at my hands and I am holding a cup of hot tea. As I watch, the steam rolls up out of the cup and floats into the air. I am then aware of a huge chalk board that now stands before me. It has been written on many times before, evident by the white powder that is scattered across the once green board. It is now, however, completely blank.

Nothing.

Nothing is written upon this board. I just stand. Staring at this board. Waiting. Tea in hand.

I have seen many a writing on this board before. Writings of future plans that have now been completed. But now, nothing.

This is a new thing for me. I have always had at least one thing written on that board before. While in school the next semester or next break was written in not a real neat fashion but none the less it was there. Not every detail mind you but something.

Something has always been written on that board.

I have waited before but with direction. I have stood on the edge of a cliff, seeing the other side, knowing where I was going, but not knowing how I would get there. I was then directed in the path that I was to take. I had vision. I could see where I was going and I was shown step by step how to get there.

Now, I have no clear vision. No time line.

I want to see this as refreshing. I want to be ok with this. I want to stand here and enjoy my tea waiting as long as it takes to see the writing. I want to even enjoy this time and not dread it.

I desire this to be true about me: that I am patiently, peacefully waiting.

How does this happen? What can I do? This is always what I am interested in. What can I do? I see a problem, now what can I do to fix it? To make it better? I’m a doer.

Maybe this is where my lesson comes.

Rest.

Wait.

Breath.

Be.

Patience.

Wait.

Rest.

Maybe this isn’t about a chalk board. Maybe it’s about a new kind of journey. A new way of looking at this journey I am on. One where I am lead without sight. The chalk board was used before but maybe it is now time for a new kind of getting direction.

I am reminded of a ladies retreat a couple of years ago. We were paired up and took turns being blind folded. Whoever was not blind folded lead the other one in silence through the forest, over logs, under trees and around many other obstacles nature provided.

It was the most beautiful time being lead. It was actually really enjoyable. I laughed a lot. I’m not sure why, I can’t remember now, but I remember I was so full of joy I could not help but laugh. My favorite part was when I was being lead under a tree. I was silently and gently but with some force put into a walking fetal position as the lady who was leading covered me with herself. She was a shield for me against the sharpness of the tree branches. Never was a word uttered but I knew where to go because I quickly became very aware and attentive of my leader’s footsteps in the leaves. There were many others who were walking around but I learned quickly what my leaders footsteps sounded like.

“But he who enters by the door is the shepherd of the sheep. To him the doorkeeper opens, and the sheep hear his voice; and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. And when he brings out his own sheep, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice.” ~Jesus

I want to be a sheep who hears her Shepherd’s voice and follows Him.