Coffee Conversations

Today I had an intense conversation with a friend over coffee. We didn't mean to but it was necessary and beautiful.

She was very open and honest with me about her concerns for me, about me adjusting to this new life in America and other things.

I am so thankful for her friendship and her being honest with me. This is how I feel all friendships should be. Open and honest. Not being afraid but speaking in love. Building one another up and encouraging each other. It's hard and it's not pretty all the time, but I don't want it any other way. Give me one good friend who will be honest with me even though it may hurt and you can have your 400 shallow friends who want to talk only of the weather and newest movie and only tell you things that will tickle your ear.

It has been hard for me to adjust to life in America. Have you ever felt like you just don't fit in to a certain culture and people? This is how I feel. I feel like an awkward middle schooler as I do life here and even my view of friendship and life in general.

an 8 to 5 job is not my idea of a future. It never has been. To establish roots and stay in one place for the rest of my life, that has never been appealing.

Last night I was in Walmart with my friend and we were walking down the home decor isles. There is this tension with in me every time I go down those isles. On one end I would love nothing more then to have a home in America, make it beautiful and homey. Have an amazing kitchen with beautiful plates and cups and entertain many guests, a cozy living room filled with many pillows and comfy things. To have a back yard where my children can play and I can be apart of the PTA and bake cookies for my children's school functions. Living in a neighborhood with other children and families. Swimming in the summer at the neighborhood pool and having grandma and grandpa come over and watch the children catch lightning bugs.

Then on the other end I would love nothing more then to sell every thing. Give it all up and move to a part of the world that no foreigner has gone. Live in a mud hut, wear the native dress, immerse myself into the culture, learning the language and way of life. Sitting all day with the woman learning how to cook and kill a chicken while my children are running around with machetes and chasing monkeys up the tree. Their backyard is the village and we are all one community. At night we all come together around the fire, my husband with the other men, bringing the kill for the night to throw on the fire, as we eat we tell of stories of the past. After we would drink hot tea and look into the stars sitting in wonder and awe of an amazing God who created all of this. I would have no cell phone, no computer, no connection to the outside world, save a letter every month from back home.

it would be wonderful. this I would love. this is what I dream. Forget the comfy pillows, take me to a land not yet seen by American eyes!